A building with a clothing store on the first floor and giant plastic ants crawling up the wall above it. The bricks are painted to look like an open zipper.
Where do giant insects meet? South Street, South Street. Photo by the author.

What’s that? You’ve read all my lovely Medium articles, and you still want more? Well, have I got a treat for you! Here’s a list of my non-Medium publications, conveniently sorted for easy reading.


A tattooed woman holds a coffee mug with “The Adventure Begins” written on it. A frog is peeking out of the top of the mug.
Author’s crappy composite of photos by Annie Spratt and Ray Hennessy on Unsplash.

Freeze! Step away from the froggy mug, Sarah. I said step away! The rest of your life will depend on what you do right now, so I suggest you choose wisely.

Good, now listen. This isn’t what it looks like. Okay, so it’s exactly what it looks like — I’m…


Humor

A great white shark swims just below the surface of the water, looking menacing and toothy
Photo by Marcelo Cidrack on Unsplash

Dramatis Personae

BRUCE, a surfer

NURSE, a nurse

PASSERBY, a graduate student at the University of Melbourne studying marine biology and drama, who dreams of being the world’s foremost television shark scientist, sort of a cross between Jacques Cousteau and Kim Kardashian, only richer and sluttier.

CORONER, a coroner

SCENE—The…


Song Parody

Photo by Ross Sokolovski on Unsplash

Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!

* Groovy keyboard bassline *

Hot and sunny, and you don’t know what to do?
Hot and sunny, don’t melt into a puddle of goo!
Hot and sunny, and there’s no reason to stall.
Hot and sunny, why wait when you can have it all?


A closeup of two Black men’s hands clasped in the most perfect of greetings in an office setting
Photo by Cytonn Photography on Unsplash

Welcome. You can take that mask off; we’re all vaccinated h — Oh. Well, leave it on if you prefer. I wouldn’t want you to feel unsafe for your big interview. It’s good to meet you.

What? You’re not comfortable shaking hands? I’m afraid that will not do.

No, that…


Humor

A man rides a blue unicycle atop a low brick wall
Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

Tommy the Unicycle creaked and wobbled back and forth as he wheeled into the classroom. He looked around nervously. The walls were festooned with alphabet posters and handprint art, but tonight the desks had been pushed to the side to make room for a small menagerie of critters conversing in…


That is the 4 AM question

A wooden artist’s model is posed sitting on a toilet
Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

Hello everybody! Welcome to “To Pee, or Not to Pee?” the game show that dares to ask … is it worth getting out of bed to take a leak? Let’s find out!

[APPLAUSE]

Our first contestant is Bob, an IT consultant from California —…


A deck of Rider-Waite-Smith tarot cards sits atop a tarot guidebook
Tools of the tarot trade

The long and winding road

I’ve always been a natural skeptic. I like hard science and reproducible evidence, and, despite eight years of Catholic school, I stopped believing in religion many years ago. While I try to keep an open mind, mystical woo like chakras, crystals, and spirit guides makes my eyes roll — but…


Photo by suagr w on Unsplash

If the true measure of a hero is one who runs toward danger, then Sara “Buzzy” Bumble is indisputably a hero.

And like many heroes, she is also modest.

“I don’t know,” she told reporters. “I just did what any bumblebee would.”

Buzzy was out foraging for nectar when she…


The infamous “Baby Trump” balloon, looking fat, dumb, and angry
Photo by Dave Lowe on Unsplash

Yo MAGA so fat, her Hoveround has a “black licorice matters” sticker on it.

Yo MAGA so dumb, when they swabbed her nose the Q-tip came out her ear.

Yo MAGA so nasty, she doesn’t hoard toilet paper, she just reuses it.

Yo MAGA so poor, she calls panhandling working…

Steven Stampone

Humorist. Serious-ist. Supercallafragilisticexpialodoc-ist. You get the gist. www.antpoems.com for more.

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