A Christmas Ghost Story of COVID-19 — Scrooge felt fine: to begin with. He had spent all morning reviewing accounts and was pleased to see his investment in toilet paper paying off. Then his clerk Bob Cratchit ruined everything. “I’m sick, Mr. Scrooge,” he said with a cough. “It’s the Corona, I’m sure.” “A liberal hoax,” Scrooge…

Come with me if you don’t want to ribbit. — Freeze! Step away from the froggy mug, Sarah. I said step away! The rest of your life will depend on what you do right now, so I suggest you choose wisely. Good, now listen. This isn’t what it looks like. Okay, so it’s exactly what it looks like — I’m…

A terrifying tale of the sea — Dramatis Personae BRUCE, a surfer NURSE, a nurse PASSERBY, a graduate student at the University of Melbourne studying marine biology and drama, who dreams of being the world’s foremost television shark scientist, sort of a cross between Jacques Cousteau and Kim Kardashian, only richer and sluttier. CORONER, a coroner SCENE—The…

Even industrial legends need a side hustle — Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! * Groovy keyboard bassline * Hot and sunny, and you don’t know what to do? Hot and sunny, don’t melt into a puddle of goo! Hot and sunny, and there’s no reason to stall. Hot and sunny, why wait when you can have it all? …

In the game of grips, you either win or die. Well, maybe not die. — Welcome. You can take that mask off; we’re all vaccinated h — Oh. Well, leave it on if you prefer. I wouldn’t want you to feel unsafe for your big interview. It’s good to meet you. What? You’re not comfortable shaking hands? I’m afraid that will not do. No, that…

A unicycle, a wombat, and the kitchen sink walk into their karma… — Tommy the Unicycle creaked and wobbled back and forth as he wheeled into the classroom. He looked around nervously. The walls were festooned with alphabet posters and handprint art, but tonight the desks had been pushed to the side to make room for a small menagerie of critters conversing in…

That is the 4 AM question Hello everybody! Welcome to “To Pee, or Not to Pee?” the game show that dares to ask … is it worth getting out of bed to take a leak? Let’s find out! [APPLAUSE] Our first contestant is Bob, an IT consultant from California —…

A Magical Mystery Tour — The long and winding road I’ve always been a natural skeptic. I like hard science and reproducible evidence, and, despite eight years of Catholic school, I stopped believing in religion many years ago. While I try to keep an open mind, mystical woo like chakras, crystals, and spirit guides makes my eyes roll — but…

News the human media doesn’t want you to read — If the true measure of a hero is one who runs toward danger, then Sara “Buzzy” Bumble is indisputably a hero. And like many heroes, she is also modest. “I don’t know,” she told reporters. “I just did what any bumblebee would.” Buzzy was out foraging for nectar when she…